What Do We Want?

Digital is here to stay whether you embrace it or not. I’m less concerned with the hysteria around the ‘robots coming to rule our lives’. Hey, that’s here already. Think of a need and there’s already an app catering to that whim. So, if our lives are taken over by technology – everything from finding and maintaining relationships, entertaining ourselves and our kids, working and doing business, and everything and anything in between – shouldn’t things be so much easier? Shouldn’t we have much more time? And with all that entertainment on tap, surely, we must be the happiest we’ve ever been?

We count the follows, tweets, likes and hearts

Sadly, this is furthest from the truth. All technology has done is give us illusions of perfection. Social media photo filters make us look like supermodels, we reinvent ourselves, our children and our families, and sanitise our lives by posting the poised and the pretty. We count the follows, tweets, likes and hearts. Even when people try to be ‘real’ and honest, there’s such vitriolic backlash, body-shaming, blaming; patriarchy always rearing its ugly head. We’re so disconnected from reality that we can’t even recognise it when it hits us in the face.

 

We say we want to be ‘accepted for our authentic selves’; yet we reject our bodies, our stretch marks, less-than-firm boobs that tell our story, and wrinkles and grey hair that validate our wisdom. We say we want to be heard; yet remain silent in the face of abuse, lies and deceit. We say we want inner peace, yet we clog our lives with stuff and more stuff. We demand equality but continue to second-guess ourselves. Woman, what do you want?

 

Ten to fifteen years ago, if you had asked me that question, I would have said ‘a husband and child’. That’s what I believed I was ‘lacking’. It seemed as though everyone around me had some semblance of that; a committed relationship, if not a husband, and a child or two or more. If I have to be real, I wanted them as a ‘badge of honour’; a stamp of approval, of sorts. Like I would ‘arrive’ with those ‘appendages’ that would change my life and ultimately, make me a happier, better person.

 

Today, I have all that. And more. I have two sons. My eldest turned five today. Healthy, normal, well-adjusted. The joy and gratitude are real. Yet. I grapple with a sense of longing. That I haven’t achieved everything I should. That once target A, B and C are realised, the content and happiness will materialise. But wait. Didn’t I reach my targets? I’m now a wife and mother. They give me everything that I thought they would, but they also give me a whole lot else that I couldn’t imagine.

Cajoling, caressing and making love all the days of your life.

Cause when you’re lying there, curled up with your pillow and an empty bed, all you can fantasize is that someone lying next to you is the missing link. Cajoling, caressing and making love all the days of your life. You never ever think that he or she could have a god-awful habit like snoring, that may disrupt your sleep forever. Or that your child may have special needs that go beyond your patience threshold. Or that household bills become grudge purchases. Nothing wrong with this picture. That’s life.  It’s the reality that we don’t like to entertain when we’re romanticising that which we don’t have. Stop it. Now.

 

The one thing that I’m trying to embrace is that nothing is ever good or bad. Rather, it’s good and bad. Even this recession. Yes, the same one that has some of us eating out less and recycling our clothes, not solely as the environmentally-friendly practice that is far more honourable. It’s just a cycle.

 

If you’re single, it comes with the good and bad. If you’re married, there are ups and downs. If you’re childless, it has advantages and disadvantages. If you’re unemployed, it may feel like it’s just bad and worse, but it has an equal opposite reaction. Get it? Make a list of all the reasons why. Try it with whatever else you feel you’re lacking or that’s holding you back from living your best life. Force yourself to look at it from all angles. Life is never one-dimensional. Neither are we.

Living a life of purpose and truth that supercedes whatever is happening out there.

This downtime has got me asking myself a series of questions. What do I really want? In a crisis, trying to ask upfront, what is the lesson here? I don’t have all the answers. But I’m working on the internal. That which is in my control. The choices that I make. Living a life of purpose and truth that supercedes whatever is happening out there. Robots ruling or chilly days in November.

 

My birthday wish for my first-born, actually for both my children; find your passion first. And this is never linked to another. Your purpose and the rest will follow.

 

 

I’m Looking For The One But…

This is the conundrum of the singleton looking for a partner; not those who are comfortably solo. It was certainly my dilemma. For the longest time, I would take every suitor at face value. If you pursued me, with enough vigour, then clearly you were a potential lifetime mate. Right? Wrong!

 

For those of you who’ve been following me, you will know that my biggest message is to be at peace with wherever you are in life. But since we’re social beings and look for companionship, here are 3 simple tips that will hopefully help you navigate the minefield of dating. This is strictly for those looking for long-term commitment; those wanting to have fun, well, you don’t have a problem.

(1) There’s no rush

We’ve lost the art of connecting. Take time to get to know someone, without any expectations. Have a genuine interest in their lives, families, their aspirations and hopes and dreams. Have long conversations with no agenda. Even if it doesn’t work out romantically, you will have gained a friend and possibly a network of new friends. A small disclaimer, this is usually best before you take your clothes off.

(2) Make your intentions clear

Not necessarily at your first encounter. There’s no need to say on date one, “Hi, I’m Ann and I’m looking for marriage, a white picket fence, a girl, a boy and a cat or dog”. This can come a little later, once you’ve established that this is someone with potential.  More importantly, your intentions are made clear by not tolerating unacceptable behaviour from the beginning. You meet at a bar and he hits on your girlfriend first. She has her eye on someone else, and so he zones in on you. If you have no intention of being a second option, don’t even entertain it. But if you go ahead, you’ve second guessed yourself. A sure way to lead to issues later.

(3) Go with your gut

If you have any unsettling feelings, this is the Universe sounding an alarm. I’m going to be tough here. Checking someone’s phone or email or stalking them on social media is a sign that you do not respect yourself. It has less to do with the other person. I don’t care if you overheard a conversation with the “PA” that sounds too familiar and you want to do further investigation. If it makes you feel uncomfortable, then it is uncomfortable. Run!

 

‘The one’ will usually appear when you’ve let go of any preconceived notions about relationships. You need to relax, confident in the fact that you are all that you need. And the rest? Well, that’s just the icing on the cake.

 

Bonus

 

These are some tips for those already ‘in the game’ and struggling to read the signs. You know you’re the ‘other’ person or not the only one when:

  • You always receive calls from the car… this is a very busy so-and-so. Literally and figuratively.
  • Visits are always at your place… you never know where they live and have never been invited. Linked to this; they never sleep over. They’re masters at excuses on this one.
  • It’s been 6 months and you’ve never met any friends or family.
  • You often get invited on out-of-town trips. They’re fantastic, but if you never see them on weekends and public holidays, in public, in the city of your residence, that’s a red flag.
  • Your physical relationship is the glue that keeps you together. You’ll most probably never know their blood type, but you will know their underwear size.
  • And, finally, if you’re experiencing most or all the above and regularly get ‘spoilt rotten’, that my friend, is guilt. Otherwise known as an adult pacifier.

 

Your Body Is The Home Of Your Soul

I’m still reeling from the revelations of the Bryanston Hockey Club. For those not in the know, it’s an exclusive club housed at a secret location in Johannesburg’s northern suburbs. The realm of uber-wealthy men, who buy whatever sexual favours they can dream of from men and women. Money is not an object for those willing to indulge in pleasures of the flesh. It’s also the subject of a bestselling book.

 

This is not a book review, by the way. I have not read Jackie Phamotse’s account of her life as a ‘blessee’. Again, for those not exposed to this growing phenomenon, it’s a term used to describe men and women who are ‘blessed’ by extremely wealthy lovers, usually older, who shower them with anything and everything money can buy, in exchange for carnal relations. The contents of this ‘hot’ novel have brought to the surface discussions around transactional sex. And it has South Africa divided. Literally.

 

There are those who applaud this young woman for taking a stand against this culture of older men preying on younger ‘victims’ to, hopefully, show others the pitfalls of what is deemed a ‘glamourous, aspirational’ lifestyle. And there are those who are quite vehement in advocating the rights of sex amongst consenting adults. I have zero judgement against those consenting adults who choose to play out their sexual fantasies with whomever they wish. I have zero judgement against same sex/bisexual/whatever-turns-you-on between consenting adults

 

But here is my sentiment. We cannot position these interactions as ‘between consenting adults’ when it is clear that the power dynamic between the ‘blesser’ and ‘blessee’ is skewed and unequal. That the Bryanston Hockey Club favours a higher-class sect with the trappings of the mink and manure brigade, far removed from the township rendition of the sex-for-money clique, does not make it any different. And in a depressed economy with unacceptably high unemployment, especially amongst our youth, it’s easy to see how being #blessed can indeed be salvation for many. In some instances, the difference between food on the table and starvation.

 

Again, zero judgment to those on the receiving end of the ‘good fortune’. It’s a jungle out there and the fittest survive. Often, they thrive in extravagant luxury and beauty because they are usually the finer specimens of society. They have my empathy, even though many would haughtily laugh and accuse me of jealousy, at best, and wretchedness, at worst.  But the reality is that prostitution is transactional sex, changing the players does not change the game. And in any transactional relationship, one party usually wields power over another. Our gender dynamics and rampant women abuse make this proposition all the more exploitive.

 

This is not a holier-than-thou rendition; I pray that’s not the takeout. I’ve had a life, some parts messy and unwholesome.  Rather, it’s a reflective look at how we view our bodies and what we are willing to do with, and for, them. The body is merely a casing for the soul. In the spiritual world, the body is superfluous. Sex is not only physical, it is also emotional and spiritual. Every part of you is involved when you engage with another.

 

When we relegate sex to the physical experience only, we often interact with individuals whom we only know superficially. We may lust them, but once we get to know them on an intimate interpersonal level, may not even like them. Yet our spirits collide, unwittingly, more so in the case of transactional sex, all in the name of sexual liberation. In this process, we deposit parts of our spirits with each other.

 

And we wonder why we wake up, one day, with baggage that weighs us down heavily. Pain that is indescribable. Hurt that stabs at the heart. And sorrow that heaves a haunting emptiness.  We accumulate pain bodies from souls we may never ever see again and take them on as our own.

 

Woman, your body is the home of your soul. It has been designed for your desire and enjoyment. It is your right to be nurtured and loved in a mutually beneficial connection that satisfies and pleasures both the giver and receiver. One can never put a price on that.

 

The Waiting Game… Part Two

Even though I had come to a point where I acknowledged that the craziness had to stop, I still had no idea that God was only getting started. I slowly unplugged myself from those around me that didn’t add any value, that, in their own ‘chaos’, created fuel for my fire. God was starting to speak louder and louder through the connections I made, the books I read and the quiet moments I came to love. I enjoyed going to church, even on my own.

I’m a fierce believer that God speaks to every one of us.

I’m a fierce believer that God speaks to every one of us. There was one of several defining moments during my ‘lost years’. It was through my dearest friend, Sindile. We were hanging out, just the two of us, we lived around the corner from each other, and as we engaged in the open, frank conversations we still have, she clearly sensed a longing, a need for some direction. She said, “my friend, I wanted to buy this book for your birthday, but it’s too many months away and you need it now. I think you should get it”. With all my free time, ‘no dog, no cat, no nothing’, I was a sponge for any books I could get my hands on. I also refer to this time as my ‘enlightened years’ as I was led to the people and books that I needed to connect with and read.

I started reading immediately and couldn’t put it down.

I got my hands on a copy of “The Power of a Praying Woman” by Stormie Omartian as soon as I could. God has gifted each one of us with a talent. Stormie’s is the power to speak to the heart and to pray. I started reading immediately and couldn’t put it down. It was the healing balm that soothed my soul, what it had been crying out for, but didn’t even realise it. As I turned the pages, I shed tears. I cried for myself, I cried to release, I cried as I forgave myself, I cried as I let go, I cried as I realised that God had been with me all along and above all, I cried with joy.

 

The water cleansed my soul and for the first time in my life, I felt lighter and at peace. I realised that God had a plan for me. It may not have been what I had wanted, but notwithstanding, it was His plan. I was at peace with being single, but not alone, since He was with me.

 

Nothing else mattered.

 

The journey to surrender is a deeply personal commitment to let go. Lord knows, we all have stuff to release. Today is a promise to make a difference. Let’s start with ourselves, before we try to control change the world.

Marriage Is Not An Achievement

If you weren’t swept by the significance of the marriage between Prince Harry and Megan Markle on Saturday, 19 May 2018, you’re a cold-hearted cynic or you’re blissfully unaware of the groundswell of public discourse on diversity and a need for greater inclusion. The fact that the mother of the bride, Doria Ragland, was resplendent in her dreadlocks and an elegant outfit, so poised and graceful; Bishop Michael Curry awakened the angels in heaven and the gospel choir brought rhythm and soul to an otherwise staid, exclusive centuries-old institution, allowed me to forget my humdrum, daily challenges and made my soul sing. That’s before we even get to the actual love-story of the two beautiful, compassionate human beings.

 

Obviously, social media was awash with commentary. Most complementary and happy, but it wouldn’t be the real world if we didn’t have the haters and detractors. One that stood out for me was a post by someone, from the masculine sex; a pic of a much younger Meghan with a friend posing outside Buckingham Palace. Sweet. But the comment just killed it; something along the lines of “a purposeful princess in waiting’. What? Meghan Markle was definitely not a woman waiting to be married, let alone a princess. With public and media interest heightened around this feisty, independent, drop-dead-gorgeous woman, we’ve come to understand that the Duchess of Sussex was nurtured decades ago, before she even entered her teens.

 

While we reminisced about the beauty of the recent nuptials later that day, Mr T and I got into the discussion of whether this was an achievement or not. A male radio talk show host summarily dismissed a male who called the morning show the day before the wedding to enthuse that the marriage was indeed an achievement. Hubby tended to agree with the talk show host; this was nothing significant. There has been no accomplishment that is usually associated with academic, career, business or even altruistic achievement. So, becoming a member of British aristocracy is really nothing to aspire to. Sure.

 

But I saw a different side of the argument. Merely being welcomed into the Windsor family is not, what I would consider, an achievement. The two most notable commoners have been the late Princess Diana and the Duchess of Cambridge, more recently. So been there, done that. This wedding signifies a major shift in our worldview and therefore is a historic achievement. Not just for Meghan Markle, but for her husband, as well. It is significant as another glass ceiling has been shattered. It’s reminiscent of Nelson Mandela and Barack Obama. I just smile thinking about it. Black, brown, people of colour, whatever you’d like to call us, are sending a clear message to the world: we are not just equal, we are more than capable of holding positions of leadership and elevation in any society.

 

On the marriage. It must never ever to be associated with achievement. For anyone. Particularly, women.  And as we take on roles of power and independence and ascend to higher echelons, those among us who may not be attached through matrimonial vows are still viewed as inferior, some are the most vulnerable in society.  Marriage, in itself, is a concept founded on the basis of human interaction. We crave companionship, love, community and so on. But it has been sanctified by religious and political order as a formal union and creates another level in the stratosphere of contemporary culture.

 

You may disagree with the institution, but what is very clear is that our patriarchal society still favours men over women in this merger. Women throughout the ages continue to believe that their place in society is as a wife. A subservient one, at that. What the Duchess of Sussex has shown is that you can create your own rules. At 36 years old, divorced, an actress and black, she has, like Winnie Madikizela Mandela, Oprah, Michelle Obama and many others before her, paved the path for all of us to dream. Not about being married, but living our true authentic selves and achieving beyond expectations.

The Waiting Game… Part One

We’ve all stood in front of the microwave waiting for the one minute to end. Seems like forever. My four-year-old can barely stand it. After 5 seconds, “It’s ready, Mom!”. Try let it go for the full minute and I have him screaming, pulling up a chair, reaching for the pause button as he’s tortured beyond restraint.

 

I don’t like waiting either. Perhaps, Master T inherited that from me?  If the meeting is scheduled for 10:00, it’s 10:00. 10:10 is late. 10:30 is just out of order. Is there such a thing as good waiting and bad waiting? And how do we know when it’s good and to just let it go? I’m the girl whose day is managed by the clock. Even when there’s ‘nothing’ to do. Meditation any time after 06:30 is just counter-productive since either your kids are up banging on the bedroom door or singing ‘Barney’ over the baby monitor or the neighbour’s kids or dogs are up and about. It’s no longer still. And one’s calm and peace vanishes like a thief in the night.  The struggle is real.

 

As a singleton, my beloved friend, Sandy, with dependants, would jokingly tell me to “get a cat or a dog or something” since I was habitually the first to be ready or arrive at any social engagement, impatiently tapping my fingers, calling, texting, “where are you guys?”. In other words, I needed some distraction to make me as late as others, so that we could all be on time together. Even then, I was blissfully unaware that my affinity for time was an indication of a deeper underlying issue. My need to control.

 

That’s at the heart of being impatient, not waiting, a need to control everything which is ultimately impossible. I was failing dismally, in all areas of my life.  The more I tried to control, the more I lost it, the more anxious I became. The biological clock is real and mine was banging like a drum with no rhythm. The waiting for a husband, for a child, the things that everyone around me seemed to have, made me feel insignificant, inadequate and above all, lonely. I even started to believe that I had been ‘bewitched’. It had to be something ‘other’, surely, it couldn’t be me? Why had God abandoned me, in such a cruel way?

 

Looking back, that is so melodramatic. Again, perhaps Master T inherited that from me? When God was trying to whisper, to coax me to listen to Him, my shrieking hormones, coupled with my past hurts and unresolved losses, drowned out any stillness that I so desperately needed. It was a period in my life when I had some of my scariest, most disturbing dreams. I call them my ‘snake dreams’ since that was a common theme in my reality and sub-conscious. This is how He tried to turn up the volume, but I was still distracted. I can’t recall a particular event or moment that got me to my point of no return. Rather, it was sheer emotional and physical exhaustion. I eventually got so tired of all the drama, most self-created and indulged, that my body physically and mentally opted out.

 

To be continued…

We Need To Stop The Fairy Tales!

I recently heard another story of a couple who seems to be headed to splitsville. Anyone looking at it can see the dysfunction. We jump into relationships too quickly. Intrigued by what we see.  What do they call it? Love at first sight. Where have I heard that before? In fairy tales.

 

We all know that excitement of being wooed. A man-on-a-mission is like a launched missile; going to hit that target no matter what. The whirlwind romance, the fancy meals, the weekends away, the lavish gifts. Most importantly, the attention. Oh, this is heaven. This is the one for me. I could live like this. Sound familiar? Yes, in fairy tales.

 

Crash! You’re jolted into reality. The daily grind, work, life, family, bills. Illness and exhaustion. Maybe a kid or more. Then add crying, snotty, dirty, annoyingly cutesy pies that don’t sleep on command or understand boundaries or the word ‘no’. What just happened? Where’s my fairy tale?

 

There is no fairy tale!

 

The magic of living a life worth loving is in understanding that the flaws and imperfections – in ourselves and others – have not only been created to add nuance and interest, they’re an essential part of our journey and development. Imagine if you opened a book and knew what the end would be. Would you still read?

 

Our souls have been given human form here on earth to uncover our purpose. Often that means we need to go through heaps of muck before we finally get the lesson. In relationships, we place undue expectation on others. That our happiness will come from another. That if only he/she/they do X, Y and Z , then everything will be ok.

 

We regularly take people at face value – at the party, the office, the gym, online, wherever – and never actually take the time to get to know them. It’s a coping mechanism for every day social interaction. But, if you’re looking for any meaningful encounters, you have to engage on a deeper level. Where it matters most. Honesty. Trust. Respect. Those cannot materialise over Tinder. They grow with time and quality interaction.  Not overnight or on the world wide web.

 

My life is crazy and chaotic, beautiful and peaceful, all at the same time. Once you learn to embrace the ebbs and flows, the highs and lows, you learn to live in peace. Real peace. And love. I wouldn’t change my perennially late, soccer-obsessed dude and noisy, demanding, forever hungry munchkins for the world. They’re my lessons. Beautifully packaged. Sent to school me. And by God’s grace, I’m getting my Masters. It may take a while, but I’m committed. All in.

From today, I’m taking @MeneeshaG’s advice and starting to use hashtags. So #StopTheFairyTales. They’re colonial, at best and downright destructive, at worst. And let’s take time to get to know potential and current partners.

Single Is Not Sinful! Part III

You will not always be part of a twosome for every single day of your journey on earth. The reality is that your soul mate may die, you may get divorced, you may grow apart, you may live apart, you may find him or her in your sunset years, you may have several soul mates over time and not just one. Or, and this is the option that many don’t want to entertain, this may not be a part of your destiny. Monks and priests take an active approach to this, but for some of us, we may have periods, some more extended than others, where we are single.

Do you rate being single with disrupting your purpose?

Have you ever embraced this as a form of communication from God? That He is either preparing you for someone or simply, that your purpose and destiny is not within the construct of society’s ‘happily ever after’? Or that His purpose for you is something much greater? Do you rate being single with disrupting your purpose? Do you even know your purpose? Every human being is a soul searching for its earthly purpose.

 

When you enter into a relationship with someone, even momentarily, their pain-bodies and yours are intermingled. Add children, in-laws, families, friends, colleagues and so on into the mix, and it can get quite crowded. If you have not done the necessary ‘work’ on your side and they theirs, this is how we unconsciously bring chaos into our lives. Chaos has the potential to lead to enlightenment and self-growth, but it’s easy to see how we can get side-tracked. Being single offers an opportunity to be undistracted by relationship and familial responsibilities.

 

If you are single and feel any discomfort about it, you have no choice but to find the peace and happiness, that only self-love can bring, before you entertain the domain of another. And finding your purpose and making a difference may be the very ‘distraction’ that could lead to a life of infinite possibility.

End

Single Is Not Sinful! Part II

We need to stop romanticising being part of a twosome. Every soul is whole and complete from the moment of conception. We are one in the love of the Creator and that is all that matters. Once we leave the palace of the womb, some kicking and screaming louder than others, we are received into various familial structures that start to shape our range of emotions and connection with the world.

Every soul is whole and complete from the moment of conception.

Do not confuse this as advocating for isolation and ‘each to his/her own’. That’s another societal dysfunction that plays out amidst growing inequality and heightened insularity.  We need greater diversity, more inclusivity and a broad-sweeping return to Ubuntu, in order to alleviate many of our socio-economic ills. Rather, this is about challenging the ‘need’ that many seem to have, to be part of a pair.

 

What society does extremely well is position romantic or sexual relationships as the panacea of happiness. I do not deny that these can provide some enjoyment and pleasure, but real happiness has absolutely nothing to do with anyone else! I struggled with this concept for many years, right into my 30s. I thought it had to do with my particular upbringing, but I still see young women in their 20s as well as older women, who grapple with their single status. It breaks my heart as I see myself in every one of them. I feel the pain, the heartache, the sense of abandonment. Cause it feels like we’ve been abandoned in the cruelest way.

Oh, you will find someone/some people who will appear to be Mr/Ms Right, but this will only give you interludes of “happiness” and ultimately continue to perpetuate the cycle of loneliness.

Here’s the truth. You cannot find love, real, meaningful love, if you have not learnt to love yourself. Oh, you will find someone/some people who will appear to be Mr/Ms Right, but this will only give you interludes of “happiness” and ultimately continue to perpetuate the cycle of loneliness. The very thing that you’re trying to escape. My moment of revelation came when I understood the power of attraction. If you are not comfortable with yourself, in whatever way, you send that vibration to the Universe and that is what is returned to you.

 

If you think that I’m anti-marriage or relationships, you’re wrong. Being in a mature, committed relationship is just another channel for further self-development and discovery. Companionship, joy, happiness and all that good stuff is one aspect, but like everything in the Universe, it has an opposite. One cannot grow without pain and strife. There’s no way around it.

 

You are worthy of love. Exactly as you are. Today. This moment. Find the love within and prepare to open yourself to a world of discovery and growth.

 

To be continued…

Single Is Not Sinful! Part I

Are you longing, pining to be part of a duo that brings you ‘happily ever after’? The wedding industry gets 10 on 10 for perpetuating the fairytale, creating a multi-million-rand sector that can sell ice to an Inuit. Perfectly rational women, even those doing it for a second or third time, morph into emotional freaks in pursuit of the ‘perfect’ day. What fascinates me is the dedication; the time, money and resources. “I have to have the purple tulips” even if they’re not in season. Or, “I’ve wanted a five-tiered cake since I was a little girl”. Some embark on drastic diet regimes to fit into a particular dress or look a certain way, which they achieve, and then never ever look that way again. I’ve seen a few wedding pics where there’s absolutely no resemblance between the bride and the person today. Surprised that many relationships struggle?

Perfectly rational women, even those doing it for a second or third time, morph into emotional freaks in pursuit of the ‘perfect’ day.

You’re still thinking, “So what’s wrong with that?”. Sure, we all love to look beautiful and be the centre of attention. Hey, I love a good wedding. But it’s the aftermath; once all the gifts have been opened, after you’ve shared all the fabulous pics of the day and the honeymoon, when it’s just the two of you [and others, depending on your personal circumstances]. It’s no longer lights, camera, action. It’s more like life, drama, reaction. Cause here’s the reality; a beautiful, happy day does not change who you or your partner are. It merely acts as a your favourite body lotion or oil; moisturising and nourishing the surface, but never really anti-ageing or removing wrinkles and stretch marks, as it promises.

 

The excitement of the engagement [if you have one] and the planning, especially those that go on for years, often mask real issues that we chose to ignore. Am I saying don’t get married or don’t have a wedding? No. That would be hypocritical. I’m merely saying that you are currently single because that’s where God wants you to be. You’re a Girl Who God Told To Wait. Listen to Him.

 

Now I understand that if you’ve labelled yourself ‘single’ this does not necessarily mean that you are not ‘entertaining’ any dates, suitors, exes, ‘friends with benefits’ and so on. SoMe has added a whole new dimension to dating that makes it much easier. Yes, it may widen your dating pool, but if you’re not clear on who you are or what you want, you’re opening yourself up for heartache.

“When two broken people bring their broken pieces together, chances are they will never become whole anything”

The fact is, “When two broken people bring their broken pieces together, chances are they will never become whole anything”, some powerful words from Iyanla Vanzant. This just creates more of the chaos, pain and hurt that you need to move away from. Whatever your circumstances, your journey or your truth, you’ve been led to this place. You need time to heal. Only you can do it. For yourself.

 

To be continued…