There is a time for everything. Ecclesiastes 3: 1-8. This is my favourite verse in the entire Bible. If you just understand this, it alone will bring you a lifetime of peace and tranquility.
I’ve always had an older soul. One of the first indications of this was that my Mum treated me as an adult, she would often confide in me, spoke freely around me. Bear in mind that she passed away when I was 17, so from a young age, I was exposed to ‘older issues’. Perhaps it comes with being the eldest.
Another indication was that, as I got into high school, I preferred to hang out with older friends. I just fitted in. At boarding school, in Standard 6, I had friends in all the standards above. Sure, I had friends in my age group, but I had an affinity with the older girls. Then Mum’s early passing added another dimension to this. I guess after always hearing ‘so you’re the mother in the family now’, perception eventually becomes reality and you actually start believing that, and behaving, as though you’re older.
When love and support does not flow in your home, you tend to look for it elsewhere.
With Mum gone, and a father trying to deal with his own grief as he saw fit, we were pretty much left to figure out life on our own. Having an older group of friends meant that I was exposed to experiences that could have been delayed, and without strong parental guidance, it meant that I had to figure out things on my own. Confusing at times. Often painful. When love and support does not flow in your home, you tend to look for it elsewhere. This is when The Girl Who God Told To Wait was born…
You see, The Girl Who God Told To Wait lives within each one of us when we’re at odds with His will and His desire for us. When we don’t live with a thankful spirit, when we don’t believe in our own value and worth, when we are not at peace and most importantly, when we don’t look to Him for guidance and support. It means that we do not trust in His timing and are too consumed by the ‘noise and clutter’ that we cannot live each day to the fullest.
On my journey inward, I came across Eckhart Tolle, author of several powerful books including ‘The Power of Now’. He says that “Nothing has happened in the past; it happened in the Now. Nothing will ever happen in the future; it will happen in the Now” and believes that if you truly live in the now, you will have no need for photographs since you will have taken in the moment, experienced it fully and therefore have no need for recollection. Irreconcilable in the age of the selfie.
When you’re entertaining external distraction that is creating internal turmoil, you are easily side-tracked.
I realised that there are times in my past that are complete blanks. I cannot recall detail, I struggle to figure out how certain people came into my life at particular times. It was all a blur. I do, however, remember the feelings, the emotions, the uneasiness, the deep-rooted pain. When you’re entertaining external distraction that is creating internal turmoil, you are easily side-tracked. I was a hot mess. And I spent way too much time and effort longing for a boyfriend, then a husband, and a family, that was at the centre of all my heart-ache.
It’s easy to look back now and be thankful that I made it through. It’s tinged with many cringe-worthy moments and sometimes a sigh, ‘if only I had known’. But regret has no place in growth and moving forward, and I know that I would not be the woman that I am today if I had not gone through my trials. I love the Girl Who God Told To Wait. She’s still waiting, since she’s not done yet. She has a lifetime of dreams and two young boys under 4 to parent into adulthood. The difference is that she’s now waiting in grace and gratitude. You can do the same.